Thursday, November 1, 2007

Help Wanted! Aptitude results for the candidates...

by David Alvord

As a soon-to-be entrepreneur, I am in the process of hiring a new staff for my dental clinic: Oquirrh Mountain Dental. This has allowed me to reflect upon what personality attributes are needed for the respective positions in a dental office.

So, what are the personality attributes of the leading presidential candidates, and where would they most appropriately serve?

The following are what Mitt Rocks! think would be the job most suited to each leading candidate:

Rudy Giuliani: President of the Yankees baseball club.
Rudy is hilarious, likable, and a true New-Yorker. Rudy is a man's man and would find himself at home in the sporting world. The fact that Giuliani is weak on family values wouldn't be a problem to the Yankees fans. Just win games and the people will love you. Not quite a Republican, not quite a Democrat, Rudy would find common ground with almost all New Yorkers.

Fred Thompson: President of the NRA or some other conservative special-interest group.
Are the rigors of a presidential election too demanding? Try a special interest group. Fred is also likable and truly wants to make a difference in the political world. But Fred is not getting any younger and his new baby and wife need him at home to help with the diapers. The demanding schedule of president might break him. Instead, Fred needs to find something that is part-time but still fulfilling. A job that he can feel good about, but also leaves him time for his family and for his 2 o'clock naps. Charleton Heston, a former actor, was president of the NRA too.

Hillary Clinton: U.S. Senator
Hillary is one of the few candidates who has actually already gotten it right! As a senator, she can truly represent the people. Depending on which way the wind blows, Hillary can vote in that direction. Does the country favor war with Iraq? She can vote for that. Do Americans want the war ended? Hillary can do that too! So it would seem that Hillary is already in the right place. She can give speeches, pursue a career in politics, and avoid the icky task of actually leading the country.

Huckabee: Pastor/leader of evangelical political coalition
Huck gives great sermons. Huck is a kind and decent man. As a pastor, Mike can be an idealist. He can throw out heavenly ideas without the responsibility of understanding the details. After all, God has already worked out the details of His commandments. But the details of the so called "fair tax"? What verse in the Bible supports that? Where Mike Huckabee has been weak on political issues, he would shine on religious ones.

John Edwards: talk-show host
Look out Oprah, because there is a new host in town! Those baby-blue eyes and Breck-shampoo-soft hair are going to waste in politics. That southern drawl and home-cooked appeal shouldn't be taken for granted. The American people deserve to see Edwards daily! And the women? They absolutely love John! The two Americas would both tune in to him as his ratings go through the roof! Besides, he isn't really a democrat anyway! Edwards is a rich guy, with the biggest house in North Carolina and a conservative family. But he would love to be on TV and give strong opinions on social issues. Just like Oprah did, he could have the one America give cars to a studio audience from the other America.

Obama: rock-star pastor (see Mike Huckabee)
The audacity of hope. That sounds like a sermon to me. Again, like our friend Huckabee, Barack is an idealist, but gets lost in the details. His inexperience could be overshadowed by his passion for speaking. But unlike Huck, he is a rock-star. In other words, Obama is a celebrity. People love to throw money at him. Imagine the passing of the plate at an Obama sermon!

Mitt Romney: President, CEO, POTUS, or any other type of leader
If a person was ever born to be President, it is Mitt Romney. The office of President is in his genes. Like his Governor father before him, Romney is a leader in every respect. His personal life is exemplary. His children are raised. And Romney looks like a president! Romney can give speeches, he can analyze data, he can lead, and bottom line...he gets things done. Romney will be a leader that will work hard for the American people...and will probably wear out his cabinet in the process. His experience and education are unmatched in the current field. Romney, like Bush, has an MBA from Harvard...but unlike Bush, Romney has a Law degree from Harvard as well. But most importantly, every organization that Mitt has touched has turned to gold. Why not America?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Right dead on, best analysis so far. I will vote accordingly.